I’ve never been a terribly patient person… Couple that with the go-get-’em lifestyle of a single mother and I might just be one of the most impatient people on the planet.
When I need things, I get. When something needs to be done, I do. When I have had enough, I stop.
I suppose all of this falls in line perfectly with one of my other vices: I’m a control freak.
What?! That’s right. Clutch your pearls, Sally. A Scorpio single mother that is a control freak. More on this story at six.
I’m feeling frustrated and impatient with the boyfriend. Well, not really HIM so much as his schedule. And my schedule. And how the two are just butting heads rather than sweetly spooning one another. I’d much rather be spooning.
I know I’m being a bit of a diva. I know a good portion of my frustration is coming from being cooped up in the house for nearly two weeks, in the bed, watching every season of Scrubs back to back to back to back. I know that I’m just hungry for some time out, in the city, bar hopping, being social. I know that I just need a date night, an opportunity to curl my hair and put on some makeup and earrings. I know this.
I do. I really do.
But frustrations with the now are only compounded when I think about what I want way over there… You know… My future. I want a cute little house with a front porch and a screen door. I want aprons in the kitchen and fuzzy rugs on the hardwood floors. I want to greet my wonderful man as he comes into our home with a nuzzle on his beard. I want to spend Sunday afternoons playing in the backyard with the kids, together… Family time.
I’m not sure I’ve ever felt such a pull for the traditional… The 2.5 kids and the picket fence and puppy dog. I remember years ago, when I was dating the sociopath, I really honestly felt like I never wanted to get married. I never wanted to deal with the stress of it all ever again. And, at the time, I really felt like I was being honest with myself.
And now? Seriously… I want to bake. I want to wear soft summer dresses and grow my hair out long again and twist the ends into soft, bendy curls with my fingers. I want to fluff pillows and curl up in fresh sheets with the security of my man’s arm around my hip and my little boy being the littlest spoon. I’m not sure why I’m feeling so … what is this? It’s not nostalgia… I’ve never had any of the things I’m craving.
But truth be told, it’ll be a year, at best, before any of these things will be able to even be spotted on the horizon. And, even truthier, I’m really not quite ready for all these things that I crave… But that doesn’t change the fact that I actually feel pangs of emotional hunger for them.
I love my life right now. I love the space that I am in… I do.
I just want to go lay in a hammock and sleepily squint into the sunshine and pretend that then is now…