There was a story on Jezebel that popped up tonight on my facebook news feed.
Here’s the excerpt:
Meet Noah Smith. He allegedly burglarized a home in South Carolina on Saturday night. A scuffle with cops sent him to to emergency room, where a doctor noticed that Noah had a mouse in his rectum.
When police arrived on the scene — responding to a call about a break-in — Noah was lying down in the doorway, nude. But he stood up and “rushed” the cops; and also slapped, kicked and tried to bite the officers. They used pepper spray, batons and a Taser to “subdue” him. That’s how he ended up in the hospital, where an emergency room physician “noticed a mouse hanging” from Noah’s bottom. X-rays showed that part of the mouse was “lodged” in Noah’s rectum. When questioned, according to the police report, Noah said “he did not recall what happened, nor did he remember any confrontation or prior dealings with law enforcement.”
And here’s the aha moment:
Officers were speaking to the individuals outside the residence [who] stated that the subject was most likely under the influence of mushrooms.
Not that shrooms explain the mouse, but… better than nothing.
I got nothing.
Oh wait, yes I do. The ER Doctor, “noticed a mouse hanging” from Noah’s bottom? Hilarious. Thanks for that. I wonder which end was inside his winker?
Here’s a question to ponder: if you had to shove a rodent up your ass, would you put him in head first or ass first? There’s a part of me that thinks it would be totally fitting to put the ass-end of the creature up your ass-end. Just because! But then that leaves him free to just like, bite and thrash about with his claws on your sweet cheeks.
The craziest thing about the story is that it compelled me to ask and then answer that question. CRAZY!